Dana Dow

Dana, Dana, Dana. Dow, Dow, Dow.

Dana Dow prides himself on being a businessman, as President/Owner of Dow Furniture. In fact, it’s what got him placed on the Senate Taxation Committee he now chairs. Surely there wouldn’t be a conflict of interest for a business owner to be in a position where he might influence bills that would affect the cost of doing business for his own benefit! Obviously, he cares so much about cutting down on business costs that he didn’t even want to spend the $10 to purchase the URL www.DanaDow.com .

To be fair, can we even consider Dana a true businessman anymore? Because, you see, Dana Dow has been a career politician since campaigning for his first elected term in 2004, even though Maine law stipulates that members of the state legislature must take two years off after two consecutive four-year terms before running again. Good thing Dana has that cushiony furniture business to fall back on.

It’s easy to imagine Dana lounging around in one of his power recliners (just not the Hilarie one—that’s for farting only), plotting just how he can be sure he never has to return to the family business again. Perhaps petting a hairless cat named whiskers, or another similar villainous trope. Because he’s been steadily working on ways to cut the middle people—you know, the voters—out of his dream gig as King (or life-long politician).

Maine’s a leader in this country in voter registration deadlines. Because, since 1973, Maine has allowed same-day voter registration. This means you can show up to the polls ON Election day, register to vote and participate IN that very election! While the rest of the country is slowly catching up to this seemingly obvious method of encouraging the citizens to participate in our hard-fought democracy, people like Dana Dow are looking at ways to bring us back to a “simpler time.” You remember the “simpler times” as the times when it was much more difficult to get just about anything done.

Maybe it’s his desire for those simpler times that has discouraged him from purchasing www.DanaDow.com . Maybe it was because he doesn’t have any cool public endorsements like his opponent does and so he didn’t know what to put on his website. Maybe it was just a truly stupid oversight.

Being a former chemistry and physics professor Dana must have realized that true time travel isn’t yet possible, so instead he tried for the next best thing: rolling back the 1973 bill that allowed for same day registration. Of course, the good people of Maine weren’t going to allow Dana and his colleagues to bring them on this journey of suppression without consent and they promptly repealed that law.

But King Dana—sorry, Senator Dana’s lack of concern for his constituents shouldn’t come as a surprise. He is a less like a man of conviction and more like a casual summer shoe—a flip-flop, to be specific:

After Mainers passed a marijuana legalization referendum, Dana Dow joined a majority of state senators in voting to enact the people’s will into law. But now, Dana Dow is telling special interest groups (with money) that he’s actually against the legalization of recreational marijuana for adults. Flip. Flop.

Dana Dow has voted against funding charter schools and private schools at the expense of public schools, but now Dana Dow is saying it’s all good (“school choice” is their insider slang for charter schools, vouchers, and taxpayer dollars going directly to private schools). Flip. Flop.

And get this, Flippety Floppety Dana Dow is now telling his new friends that he’s in favor of using “professional licensed” “conversion therapy” on gay kids after all—even though, just six months ago, he voted to make it illegal for a “professionally licensed” therapist to do precisely this.

Wow! Those conversion therapy folks are finally onto something! They’ve figured out how to convert a spineless politician like Dana Dowinto … a spineless politician like Dana Dow. Flip. Flop.

It seems like the Internet has really pulled the rug right out from under Dana Dow. It never occurred to him to get DanaDow.com and it never occurred to him that his new friends at the Christian Civic League of Maine would have a website of their own - and publish his answers to their 2018 questionnaire.

If Dana Dow’s going to flip-flop on everything from weed to schools—without even telling the voters on his own —then it’s time for voters to flip-flop on Dana Dow. Flip. Flop.

After all, Mr. Dow was a physics professor. Surely he remembers that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.